Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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