I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
