I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
