Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
