My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
