Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
