I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
