I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
