he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
