I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
