i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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