where am i from again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
