I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
