I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
