my soul wont recognize me after tonight
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
