Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
