Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
