I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
