Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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