I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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