real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
