Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
