I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
