I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
