his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She bit a glass in half.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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