Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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