in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
