i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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