U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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