i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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