I smell stomach acid.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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