I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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