I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
