Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
