i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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