Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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