i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
