I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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