When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
