im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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