i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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