just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
