saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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