For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize