cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
