I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
