Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
