In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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