There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
