I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
