So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
