First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
